Do you know what you’re going to be when you leave school? Jonathan Leach does. He’s going to be a vampire. He hasn’t much choice really. You see, it runs in the family. Meanwhile, his friend Scarlet is going to become a werewolf. And his friend Crombie… well, he’ll just carry on as usual being a… zombie.

Welcome to The Fang Gang, Roy’s new series of wickedly funny books!

Do stories about DEAD funny people make you scream in terror? Does GRAVE humour make you squirm? Yes? Then find your favourite Noddy and Big Ears book and hit the Exit key now.

Still here?

Like a taste of what to expect? A vampire-bite-sized bit of the first Fang Gang book, MY GRANDAD VAMPIRE, is printed below….

Grandad was standing by the window. ‘There’s a fine view of the graveyard from up here,’ he was saying, ‘especially when it’s a full moon.’ He turned and peered at me, frowning. ‘Huh,’ he said. ‘I hope you’re not one of those wimpy kids who are forever getting homesick?’
I shook my head. I’d never felt so homesick in my life.
‘I mean,’ I said, hoping that somehow the sound of my own friendly voice would suddenly make me feel better, ‘I hardly ever see my mum and dad anyway. Mum’s always busy with her competitions-‘
‘And your dad?’ snapped grandad.
‘He puts in a lot of hours at wood yard.’
‘Works in a wood yard does he? What does he make?’
‘Oh, fences, stakes, that sort of thing,’ I said.
Grandad sniggered and leered at me.
‘I might have guessed!’
‘And at weekends, he’s always up his allotment,’ I twittered on, nervously.
‘What does he grow? Don’t tell me, garlic!’
I nodded.
‘How did you know?’
Grandad cackled. ‘You mean he hasn’t told you?’
‘Told me what?’ I asked, my heart beating like mad.
But before grandad could reply, the church clock began to strike, loudly and mournfully in the distance.
‘Goodness, a quarter to midnight already,’ he gasped. His face spread into another wide, toothy grin. ‘Now, I expect you’re tired after your journey, so I’ll leave you to unpack and get some sleep.’ He turned towards the door. ‘I won’t be long.’
‘Where are you going?’ I asked, my stomach beginning to churn like a cement mixer at the thought of being left all alone.
‘Oh, you know, out for a bite… er, I mean out for a bit.’
‘But grandad, no! You can’t leave me on my own…!’ I blurted out.
But grandad was already gone. I heard the front door slam and went to the window. In the moonlight I picked out the faint, darting shape of a tiny creature, like a bat, flitting over the front gate.
After that, silence.
And after that, the sound of an occasional but insistent howling that seemed to come from the direction of the graveyard.
With a feeling of dread and foreboding I did what I always do when I’m worried about something and made a list.

Everything seemed to point to the same conclusion. No…. I must have got it wrong? Perhaps I had got everything all wrong? Perhaps grandad was just a funny old man with a bit of a scary way about him?
There was only one way to find out the truth. I crept out of my room, down the narrow wooden stairs to the landing. The dim light was still shining behind the half open door as it had been since my arrival.
I took two steps towards it. Then, the palms of my hands sticky with sweat, I pushed the door open and stepped inside.
Straightaway, I banged my shin on something.

I looked down and found myself peering into a large, shiny, wooden coffin.

The first books are called MY GRANDAD VAMPIRE and THE HEADLESS TEACHER.
They were published by Bloomsbury in October 2006.

The second two books are called THE SWEATY YETI and THE VAMPIRE SLAYING COMPETITION. They were published in October 2007.

Sumiko Shimakata is the illustrator.

Watch this space for further news about The Fang Gang!